i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
