Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
