dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
