I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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