so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize