Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
