What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
