she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
