doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
