If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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