Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
