Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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