I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
