So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
