Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
