Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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