Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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