Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
