You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
