i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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