i would punch a child for taco bell
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
