All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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