..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
sarcasm needs its own font
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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