when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
