The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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