Moan for me like Helen Keller
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
