This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
