hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
