do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
