Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
