wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Im part way to drunk.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
