she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
