i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Man, jail baloney is awful.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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