i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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