we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
