i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
