smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
our cab driver is having phone sex.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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