It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
