His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
