Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
