did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
