I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
All the doctor said was why
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
