the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
