i always forget guys have bellybuttons
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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