and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Well I just put wine in my tea
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
