I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'm getting married
To pizza
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
