I skipped work to stalk him.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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