so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
