whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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