What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
