I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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