he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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