girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I'm passing your future prison.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
