do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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