You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
