come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
