Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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