what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
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